You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
