New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes