did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
