I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
