I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
