The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
