I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
