I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
