I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
