cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
