so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
