I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this will be a night to untag.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
