Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
