I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
