Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
