you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
