dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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