I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We need to get me chipped asap
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
