I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
