you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
