After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
