Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You made out with two different species that night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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