bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
