Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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