The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
