I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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