Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
