if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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