Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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