I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
