White coat. Heels.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
