ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
