you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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