he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
