We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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