I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
