im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
