I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
