dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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