Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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