I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
