She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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