I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
