I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
