I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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