I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
