So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
