my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
