we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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