I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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