My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
