how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
