i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
