Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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