You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
