why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
