I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
