The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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