yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
