i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
