How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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